The New Person Of Influence Is The Good Host

Influence is not just about how we attract attention. It is the ability to create a place people want to return to.

Influence was something we aimed for, so people bought into us. If you can share ideas and build an audience, you earn trust by showing up consistently and helping people understand what you stand for.

People need a way to find you. When they do, they can hear your voice, read/watch your work, see your perspective and decide whether they want to move closer.

We’re now pushing visibility and attention to a new place.

If you can be seen as the good host, you make the place people want to come to.

When I say good host, I mean the practice of creating the conditions where people can contribute with greater confidence than when they arrived.

This often happens away from the spotlight of the masses, but for those people who step into the space, it can change people.

People do not join because they want to be managed, collected or placed inside another group. They come closer because they are looking for something to change. They want to feel braver with others. They want to find their voice. They want to make progress. They want to become more of the person they know they could be, but perhaps do not feel able to become on their own.

That is why the host matters a lot. People do not just want belonging, they want to be seen for something specific and recognised.

The host says, “I see what you bring.”

Recognition turns belonging from a feeling into an identity.

Someone may arrive thinking, “I’m not sure this is for me.”
Recognition helps them think, “Maybe I have a place here.”
Contribution helps them think, “Maybe I have something useful to offer.”
Responsibility helps them think, “Maybe I can help others feel this too.”

This is where we are heading.

Welcome.
Recognition.
Contribution.
Responsibility.

A healthy community does not stop at inclusion. Inclusion matters, but it is not enough. People can be included and remain passive and not contribute.

The work of the host is to help people become useful and raise their own work.

For example, we have our Lunch Clubs around the country and the people who host the events are not people who have ever hosted events before. When the room is set and everything is in place, in terms of format, it becomes easier. The first step is to be the person who can say to someone else, “I think you can do this.”

This gives the person a chance to prove it to themselves.

The host does not hand confidence over like a gift, but has created the conditions where confidence and ‘lets do this again’ is part of the framework.

In our membership space, YATM Club, sessions are delivered by people who have expertise in their fields. For instance, Jon Jenkins is an accountant and has a bookkeeping session. Ashley Crocker is a coach and we have well-being sessions. 

The host starts the process, but it’s the community that sustains it.

The healthiest communities are not built around one host. They teach people how to host one another.

A room becomes stronger when people start doing for each other what the host once did for them. When you make something that people feel a part of, other people notice who has gone quiet. They make introductions. They protect the tone. They take responsibility for the space because the space has already done something for them.

The true measure of a host is not whether people need them, it is whether people start doing for each other what the host once did for them.

It starts to become a shared process.

What behaviours strengthen this space?
What behaviours weaken it?
What needs protecting?
Who needs encouraging?
Who has more to give but has not yet found the confidence?

It is one thing to gather people. It is another thing to create the conditions where people become more willing, more confident and more useful to each other.

This changes the questions we ask.

The old influencer asks:

How do I get noticed?
How do I become more visible?
How do I keep people looking at me?

The host asks:

Who have I not met yet?
Who has not spoken yet?
Who needs encouragement?
Who is standing just outside the circle?
What would help people feel more at ease?
How can I help others shine?
How can I help people grow each other?

The host helps to create a room.

That room might be a physical event, a small group, a learning space, a dinner, a workshop, a membership, a project, a newsletter that gives people something to gather around, or simply a way of bringing people into conversation with each other.

I have seen this through the work we have built with You Are The Media. The moments that matter most are not always the most visible ones. They are often the smaller moments around the edges. I have seen people introduce themselves to new connections. I have seen people encourage others. I have seen people find the courage to put their work into the world because others made it feel possible.

The real work is what people start to believe about themselves because they spend time there.

This is why community matters. It is expensive, emotionally, socially and creatively to become who you want to be on your own.

You have to carry all your doubts yourself. You have to create your own momentum. You have to work out whether your ideas make sense. You have to push through the uncertainty without always knowing whether anyone else understands.

A healthy community reduces that cost.

It gives people examples.
It gives people feedback.
It encourages people.
It gives people accountability.
It gives people somewhere to practise being more visible before the wider world gets involved.

The host lowers the barriers to growth. That is why the host is playing such an important role, by saying, “Come and meet the others.”

It is less about attention gathered around one person and more about the possibilities created between people.

The good host holds influence, as success can be measured by how many people became more confident and at ease because of the time spent around you.

That feels like a better kind of influence to build.

It’s not because visibility no longer matters, it’s just that it’s a good place to start from today.

It’s not about commanding a room, but how good things come to the people who can create the room for people to feel at home in.