Most Things Aren’t Rejected. They’re Never Accepted

Most initiatives though, aren’t rejected, they’re just never accepted. 

This was a problem I faced for years, by this I mean a reluctance for people to join in. What’s changed now is that people can see the role stepping into You Are The Media plays for them. I’ve figured out why, but this also applies to any initiative you want to progress. 

When your work is accepted, everything else becomes easier.

Let me use the Lunch Club events as the ‘case study’ and what I saw from a recent event. For years, people didn’t know what it was. Was it networking? Did it have a purpose? Was there even a reason to go?

The simple problem we had was that people didn’t know how to be there. What version was Lunch Club asking for? Were they stepping in as their business? Is it asking for people to step in as themselves? I understand now that I wasn’t missing value, but clarity.

Last week’s Lunch Club in Poole filled 50 places, with a lot of new faces in the room. It had nothing to do with the theme or because the speakers are compelling.

We have WhatsApp Groups for our ‘regions’ and people were saying on the day that they were feeling nervous. Stepping into a space you are not familiar with can feel daunting, particularly when you think everyone knows each other. 

Many business events are built around output. What will I learn? Who will I meet? What will I get from this (the added ROI)? It sounds fair as it’s how we’ve been taught to decide what’s worth our time.

What happens is that you arrive thinking about how to justify being there. By this, I mean you introduce yourself through your role and you try your hardest to make it count. The result is that this becomes a performance.

What people are unsure of is how much of themselves to show. This is the crux of making something people can associate with. What you have to do is be clear on what you expect from people. 

This is what is happening with our Lunch Club events. You don’t arrive as your business first.
You arrive as yourself. This is the biggest switch to make, so people know this is the place for them. I just wasn’t clear about it. 

When I say ‘you arrive as yourself,’ everything is made to heighten that side. No one has to deliver the perfect introduction and more importantly, you don’t need a reason to be there beyond wanting to be there.

This is the difference for encouraging people to commit to your work, where the value doesn’t come from extracting something, it comes from being part of something.

When people decide whether to attend or not, they’re not just weighing up the benefits, there are other parts, such as, “Do I know how to act here?” and “Will I feel comfortable enough to join in?” and most importantly, “Can I see people like me already there?” 

The big barrier isn’t interest, it’s the effort it takes to step in, speak up and risk getting it wrong. If that cost feels too high, people opt out before they even begin.

This isn’t just about events, it’s how we decide whether to commit.

For instance, you can see this in newsletters. You can write something thoughtful, well-structured and useful, but if a subscriber doesn’t know where they sit within it, they’ll move on. If the whole reason is unclear, nothing happens.

It also happens in communities. A space can have activity and purpose, but if someone new arrives and can’t work out how to join in, they stay on the outside. It means they hesitate and then they drift. Not because they don’t want to be part of it, but because they don’t know how.

At the centre of all of this is the same thing, the cost of participation. It’s the effort it takes to step in, speak up, and risk getting it wrong. At most places, you pay it up front.

It takes time, but it’s only through repetition and reflection to see the role your work has and the modifications you need to make. For instance, I made the mistake of leaning into marketing for our events when I needed to focus more on people being themselves around others. The only reason buy-in has happened is by understanding the role Lunch Club plays for people that may not have already been delivered.

Now we have clarity on this role of stepping in as you, which means you don’t have to work it out every time. You can just step into it and recognise the patterns that are forming. 

It’s not written down anywhere, but people understand it. Once something becomes recognisable, it becomes easier to accept. Not because it’s better, but because it feels known.

The more something is seen, repeated and experienced, the easier it is to understand. Not because it’s explained better, but because it feels familiar. 

We often think growth comes from reaching more people. More visibility, more output and more attention.

But acceptance works differently as it comes from reducing uncertainty for people. 

You have to show enough of the same thing, enough times, that people recognise it without needing to think.

Looking back, You Are The Media didn’t develop because it positioned itself differently. It grew because it repeated itself, became familiar and we made the tweaks as we all went along. Namely, a weekly newsletter, every Thursday, regular events with a similar feel and the same values, shown over time. They have just become more apparent in the past year or so, around learning and feeling a part of something with other people on the same team.

When we talk about why people come to Lunch Club, or Creator Day, it’s easy to point to what’s on and when it’s happening. But underneath that, something else is doing the work. I have only just realised the importance of this. People know who they can be when they get there.

If people aren’t joining what you’re building, it’s worth looking beyond the offer.

It’s not always about making it better, it’s about making it easier for people to enter, understand and feel part of.

Most things aren’t rejected, they’re just never accepted.

Acceptance doesn’t start with what something does, it starts when someone knows who they can be inside it.