Networks Grow When People See Themselves Inside Them 

People don’t step up because it’s going to be good for you, they join in because it’s good for them.

Nothing in business or community growth happens in straight lines. The point you end up at is always different from the place you started.

If you want people on your side, persistence matters. But more than persistence, people need to know:

☀️ they can see themselves at the table

☀️ they understand what’s in it for them

☀️ and they feel it will be useful, enjoyable, and beneficial.

This is the real difference between a group that fizzles out and a network that compounds in value.

Back in 2016, I wanted to meet people who subscribed to the YATM newsletter.

It was my way to say hello and get to know others better.

It meant I could put a face to a subscriber as I could see people subscribing who lived nearby.

So I started a small lunch. No grand vision, no community strategy, just meeting people.

It was the first time I could take the conversations off email and put them in real life. I loved it, it meant I could find a way to connect the newsletter to the experience. It was personal, curiosity driven and it gave me a direct connection. Over the years, those connections have become friends.

At first, Lunch Club was a vehicle for me. It gave me a chance to sharpen my presentation skills and test whether I could host events. It was my experiment. 

Over time, the focus shifted. The value wasn’t in me hosting. It was in the people in the room, connecting with each other. 

With regular lunches, people began to recognise familiar faces. They felt at ease with each other. They built trust. They realised others were on their side. 

The culture of familiarity grew naturally because people kept showing up. 

Then the big shift happened: the room became ours, not mine. 

What started as a platform for me became a platform for others to step up, be seen, and feel like they belong.

When you build something that matters, growth happens when people can see themselves in it. 

That’s the moment your project moves from being about you to being about them.

We’re about to step into the 10th year of Lunch Clubs, from September to April 2026. If I could sit down with my younger self in 2016, I’d give him two questions to think about.

1) What’s going to be in it for the people who join in, that they can’t get elsewhere? 

Is it:

☀️ the chance to be seen?

☀️ the opportunity to step up?

☀️ the encouragement to make new friends?

☀️ the energy of an experience that feels different from everything else?

The quickest way to kill momentum is to deliver a replica of what already exists.

What happens when all you do is deliver what’s everywhere else is that intentions slowly fizzle out. 

I have realised that to build momentum, you need a core group of people, these are the people you can rely on and take that weight off your shoulders. It even means a lot these days when some people arrive a little earlier to set up the room and test out the speakers. That never happened in the beginning.

2) How can you create opportunities where people can step up? 

This one took me longer to learn. But the greater the opportunity you provide for others to take the stage, the stronger the network becomes. 

By this, I don’t mean the token “guest speaker.” I mean giving lots of people their moment at the front, whether it’s hosting, sitting on a panel, or asking a big question.

By giving others space to step up, you start to see their talents shine and in turn, you become braver yourself. 

Lunch Club may have started with me, but over time it’s no longer about me. Other people now host the events, others sit on the panels, and my role is often just to thank everyone and share what’s next.

That shift changes the dynamic completely. The glue isn’t a single person, it’s the connection people feel to each other.

Conversations, introductions, and collaborations happen without me always steering the wheel. The room became ours, not mine.

Networks grow when they provide people with something they can use for themselves.

For some, it’s status: the chance to host, to speak, to be recognised.

For others, it’s affiliation: belonging to something that feels bigger than them.

Lunch Club has become a place where people can shape their own identity, understanding and deeper connection with others. 

That’s the real point of networks, they don’t grow because you need them to. They grow because others can see themselves inside them.

The moment your project stops being about you and becomes about them, that’s when it scales.

When people know the network is made for them in mind, the dynamic starts to change. 

Over the years, here’s what I’ve learned to keep in tune with others:

Know your audience deeply. Understanding the people who join in with you is invaluable as it works both ways. For instance, I reach out to people from the You Are The Media community to share what I am thinking and they respond telling me how it is with them.

Choose depth over breadth. Intentionally choosing a smaller audience with higher levels of engagement means you have the chance to get to know people better. On the email sequence for new subscribers to the newsletter, I encourage people to get in touch or ask a simple question.

Make it easy to join in. Joining something new can feel overwhelming. Reduce that fear by making the steps clear, the numbers manageable, and the welcome obvious.

Smaller groups encourage togetherness. Smaller groups make for better conversation with more people being able to make their voice and perspective heard. Lunch Club audiences can be from 30 to 60 people. 

Consistency is how you show people it’s safe to join in. It’s how momentum builds for everyone. 

Networks don’t thrive because you want them to. They thrive because people can see themselves inside.

They join because it’s good for them.

They stay because it gives them identity and belonging.

They grow because the value compounds when each person adds to the mix.

This quote from an article in The Guardian on community, is powerful  Participation takes planning, but the joy comes from presence

That’s the lesson of Lunch Club over the past decade. It started as a way for me to meet people from the newsletter. Today, it’s a platform for others to be seen, connect, and belong. It moves from “what’s good for me” to “what’s good for them,” that’s when your network really begins to make change.